THE MUDDY BUMS (aka "the Clarty Ars#ses") MOUNTAIN BIKING IN NORTHUMBERLAND AND BEYOND

Date 14/11/2010
Riders: Julie, Suzanne, Izzy, Ian A, Terry, Willie, Andy and Tom (the ride leader)
Distance: 22 miles (36k)
Time: 5 hrs 30 mins
Ground: Wet, muddy
Weather: am – overcast / midday – bright and sunny / pm – light drizzle

For today’s ride into the wilderness, Tom was the designated ride leader so everyone was expecting there to be no problems with the directions. Unfortunately, or fortunately some may think, Tom forgot to take his glasses with him so he couldn’t see a bloody thing, and had to rely on his faltering memory and Willie’s electronic wizardry to get the riders moving in the right direction (20 minutes late, as someone decided to pump up their tyre at the last minute) along the B6320.

Crossing the North Tyne at the narrow road bridge, the Muddybums turned right onto a quiet back road which led them to Woodhead and the start of Shitlington Common, which, in places, lived up to its name. Riding over the common, the by now Clarty Arses made their way slowly across the common turning north west, onto the Border County Ride. With Watchcrags to their right, the Muddies knew exactly where they were (ha ha ha!) and carried on wandering aimlessly throught the landscape, passing between Whitchester and Chirdon moors, heading for Cadgerford and on to the lunch stop at Roughside Bothy, where Julie gave Tom a severe tongue-lashing for sending her up the wrong garden path.

After the bait stop, the Muddies moved off throught the trees, enjoying the slippery, wet ground conditions, with the occasional squeal from Suzanne as she fell into yet another muddy pool (flatties, Suzanne, flatties!). Heading for Smalesmouth, the riders took the opportunity to regroup at a clearing in the woods where the conversation turned to tyres and which ones were best for the winter conditions – Willie’s 2.1s, Julie’s 2.2s and even 2.3s were talked about. Then someone mentioned they’d got an 8.5 inch one (of what, we didn’t ask!) and we swiftly moved on to spare the blushes…….

The ride headed towards Smalesmouth (Suzanne in the clarts again) and a tarmac run into Falstone and a much deserved mug of coffee and bowl of soup. Warmed up and bellies full, the return leg of the ride began with a stiff little road climb up onto Thorneyburn Common (where the land owner had scraped the surface, uncovering the hard ground underneath, making it very rough) and past Slatyford onto another stretch of the Border County Ride. After regrouping at the gate the riders had a fast tarmac descent into Redmire , so It was here that two of the group decided on a comfort break (one behind a dry stone wall and the other half a mile down the road) which left us a bit worried at what might happen when the two went at the same time – Gopherwood, and the farmer having to rebuild his drystone wall were all mentioned – but in the end it wasn’t that bad really but we all wished we’d had our wellies on.

Through Redmire to the crossroads, the by now Minging Clarty-arsed Muddybums turned right towards Tarsel Castle (a Border Reivers stronghold) then left into the final short descent onto the disused railway for a leisurely ride back into Bellingham town centre to end a wet and clarty but fantastically enjoyable day with 3 dirty women and 5 even dirtier blokes! Cheers!

Tom